Gone, Forever!

‘Life was easy. We laughed, we fought, we teased, we kissed, we sang, we danced, and, and we were together. Perfectly together.’

‘Then?’ she asked.

‘And then, two months back, her brother called me in the middle of the afternoon and said, “Bhaiya… didi died in a road accident.”’

‘What?’ she exclaimed.

‘Yes.’ I said. ‘That’s all he said on the call as if he was reading it from a script. Plain and simple. He said it as it was something that happens every day. And later, when I tried to connect him again, his mobile was switched off.’

‘But… but what about her cell? Did you try to call her, too?’

‘I did. The recorded female voice was parroting again and again that the mobile’s switched off but I wanted her to change her statement. I wanted the phone to ring. I wanted that phone to ring for the last goddamn time.’

‘And then, I opened my Whatsapp and I was shocked. It was her messages. Five long messages.’ I said. ’It wasn’t an accident, e eeit was… it was a suicide,’ and I broke down.

‘Hey,’ she said and placed her hand gently on my right ankle to assure me that she was there. I cried my lungs out like it was the end of this world. Like nothing else mattered for the time being. Like my wailing would cast a spell and bring my girl back somehow.

But it didn’t.

She was gone.

What was left, was just a question that she had left in my inbox, her last message;

“I never allowed you to enter inside me and you were okay with that. You never asked me why. Today, with this final message, I want to tell you why. I was raped. Day after day after day. By my father. Real father. Remember? You always told me that ‘this too shall pass’. But baby, this didn’t pass, this ended. With me. Taking me away.”

~ Sahil Lakhmani

Love Hurts…

‘Okay. And tell me exactly how you feel about her?’

‘I mean, you know, I’d like to keep it to myself.’ I said. ‘I love some girl out there and that’s it. That’s all I want you to know for the time being.’

‘But you can trust me on that!’ she said, childishly, like a 5 y/o girl wanting to know everything that’s happening around her.

‘Hey… you don’t need to assure me that every now and then. I know I can trust you. Completely. I know that. It’s just that—’ I took a pause, and said again, ‘It’s just that… I don’t know. I don’t feel like sharing this to anyone as of now.’

‘Not even to your closest friend?’

‘No, not even to him.’

‘Does it hurt? I mean, not getting the love you deserve, and not being able to share this with anyone, too. Does it hurt?’

‘I’ll be honest with you.’ I said. ‘It did before. It wasn’t a long time back when it used to hurt a lot.’

‘But now it doesn’t?’

‘I’d be lying if I say it doesn’t hurt at all.’ I said. ‘You see things ain’t going your way, and you get hurt. That’s how it goes. But now my heart and mind walk along the same lane. They are quite congenial to each other. To what they want and what they deserve.’

‘A bit of philosophy, ha?’ she said.

‘If you don’t want to sound a bit filmy— or cliché is the more precise word what people are using these days— philosophy is the only way around.’ I said. ‘So you do get it, don’t you?’

‘I’m very much unknown to Seneca or Socrates or Plato.’ she said. ‘But since I’ve to answer you something, I would say— you’ve other things to focus upon, too, other than love. Like goals and career. Is that what you’re talking about?’

‘Give yourself a hard slap on your back, smart lady! That’s the size of it.’

‘Yayy, chocolates? Now I need chocolates.’

‘Don’t you fear god? Your fathers’ salary is thrice to my fathers’. And I and my sister have grown up eating chalks and slate pencils. You still want some chocolates?’

‘I hate you.’

‘Accepted. At least this won’t hurt as much as love does.’ I replied, with a dry smile.

~ Sahil Lakhmani